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Life After Late Lunch
After winning our hearts with Light Lunch, Mel and Sue branched out beyond the realms of daytime TV with a prime-time slot for Late Lunch. However, the magic just wasn't there anymore.
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NOT ANOTHER ROOM 101 APPEARANCE?
In order to pay the bills, and maintain their profile in the public's subconscious the dynamic duo have appeared on such programmes as Room 101, and more memorably, Call My Bluff.
A series of devastatingly awful Kingsmill adverts followed, but I suppose, needs must...
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What they say about each other:
Mel: "Sue Perkins is the daughter of an Estonian beautician and one of Ken Dodd's Diddy Men. Her half sister is Rula Lenska. Sue has always been on the cutting edge of fashion, probably thanks to her aunt, Dorothy Perkins.Sue was the first woman to test-drive the reversible batwing jumper. Her grandmother was Anthony Perkins, although Sue maintains that she just sat in a chair in a grey wig and never said anything.
Sue's first words were "M..m..m.. Malboro Lights!" - they have been her hobby ever since. Sue spent her early years as a child before going on to work as Mick Robertson's fluffer on hit TV show "Magpie". As a teen , she was married briefly to strongman Geoff Capes. After a bitter custody battle involving one of Geoff's lovehandles, Sue focused on re-building her life in the style of her fave soap character, Mehmet on hit TV show "Eastenders". Like Mehmet, Sue set up a cab-firm called Ozcabs. She grew a very successful moustache and got her self-esteem back.
Her first taste of showbusiness was playing Su Pollard's stunt-double in hit TV show "You Rang My Lord". In the now famous self-immolation scene, it is quite obviously Perkins rather than Pollard going up in a sheet of flame in the pantry! The two remain good friends, and Su Pollard is still a regular visitor at Sue's trailer park. Sue concentrated on her education before moving full-time into showbiz, gaining a BA Hons degree in Panel Beating from the New University of Leatherhead. Sue is a very accomplished nose-flautist, and was spotted in Croydon's Whitgift Centre by one James Galway. They moved to Ireland and after a brief marriage, Sue rebuilt her life as a mime artist. Collaboration with Lester Piggott proved very fruitful and although they never married, the two remain close.
Sue's autobiography "What me?" was published privately last year. She sold one copy to her comedy partner Mel who has described it as "very useful for wedging the bathroom door".
After injuring herself in the London Marathon (Sue didn't take part - she crossed the road and caused a pile-up), she has bounced back to a full recovery and is currently delighting viewers of UK Pewter with her late-night show "Beat the Panel", an hilarious quiz show about panel beating.
Sue breeds llamas and is engaged to Simon Groom. With an autumn wedding planned, and a new show on Leicestershire's only Precious Metal station Onyx FM firmly in place, life is on the up for the plucky Surrey lass. Atta girl, Sue!"
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Sue: "Mel Giedroyc (born Melvin Goodrich) is the son of a Lithuanian Lady-Bishop and All Creatures Great & Small's Christopher Timothy. As a direct result of her rather obscure parentage, Mel spent most of her childhood putting her hand up cows' bottoms whilst reciting the Lord's Prayer. Mel's brother, Vaclav, is a stunt-double for the dogs on Pets Win Prizes and her sister, Denise, is a Welsh Nationalist who weaves her own pants.
Mel was terribly bullied at school - her penchant for wearing a cravat and Panama hat set her apart from her classmates. Her parents naturally assumed that Mel(vin) was gay - it took them seven years to realise that, in fact, their son was a woman with terrible dress sense trapped inside a man's body. After expensive gender-realignment surgery at the Ann Widdecombe clinic in Stockholm, Mel was distressed to find that being a woman didn't make her interesting and that having a pair of tits is no substitute for a personality.
Mel spent most of her teens obsessed with cosmetic surgery, until she suffered a major setback under the plastic surgeon's knife. She had asked for a rhinoplasty (a simple nose job) - but due to an administrative error she ended up with a large, leathery African mammal attached to her face. As a result of her deformity, Mel was offered work through the newly formed David Copperfield Victorian Freak Circus - which gave David the opportunity to showcase both Mel and his current girlfriend, Claudia Schiffer.
Mel's early career is chequered; a YTS dwarf juggling-scheme, a spell culling gypsies for the Inland Revenue and a degree in Sleep Studies from The New University of Kwik Save where she studied under the great Bernard Stigland. Literally.
Mel fell into showbusiness. Or, to be more precise, showbusiness's lap. Let's be even more precise still - she fell into Sir Jimmy Saville's lap - and he was so delighted and surprised that he promised her everything her little Leatherheaded heart desired. Her first professional engagement was a brief stint at The National Theatre wiping the spittle from Leo McKern's mouth. This was followed by a tour of Leighton Buzzard with her brave, nude, children's educational piece, "Does My Body Have to Look Like That, Mum?". Mel was sacked one night after she misinterpreted the phrase 'lower the safety curtains', As a result of her pornographic display that night, 17 children are still detained in rehabilitation centres.
Mel has spent most of her adult life as a child. Her only long-term relationship to date was a regrettable liaison with television personality Cap'n Birdseye. Their five year marriage ended in the divorce courts after Mel discovered that her husband had faked his navy credentials and was not a 'Cap'n' at all - just a struggling actor with a beard and a penchant for standing close to small boys with a frozen cod-stick in his hand.
Mel is currently embarking on a new solo piece, 'I Was Told To Stand Here', at the Haddock & Horseshoe Pub in Cobham, which she has asked me to describe as a very resonant space, full of blistering dramatic opportunity. Tickets are still available."
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